Constancy and Charity in Friendship

I imagine you girls have received plenty of talks and comments from teachers and parents alike about constancy in your studies and family responsibilities. These are two natural and primary places for you to exercise this virtue that indeed will set you up for success in life. But tonight I would like to speak with you about constancy in charity. Not charity in the sense of giving money or volunteering your time to perform simple tasks, but the charity of your time and presence. The gift of yourself to a world that increasingly tells you that your physical presence isn’t needed or all that important, and not just your physical presence, but your attention as well. When you spend time with people, really focus on them.

 

As you all know, Zoom and Facetime have made it incredibly easy to never leave your house. During the pandemic this was a blessing that united families and friends alike during a chaotic and scary time when travel was frequently impossible. But as time wears on, many people are reticent to return to in-person anything. The social norms holding us together were eroding before Covid but are now in freefall and your generation will play a critical role in what happens next. Virtual meetings have their place, but you girls need to be bastions of charity in person. Do not accept that virtual is just the same as in-person. That’s the devil talking. Jesus came to us in the flesh! We should do the same for each other. God could have saved us in any way He saw fit. In His infinite wisdom He decided to send us His son, in the flesh, to lead a normal life before dying on the cross.

 

When I was 20 years old I was 1,000 miles from home, living a pretty normal college life when I received the news that one of my brothers had died. It was sudden, tragic, and shook me deeply. I was far from home and wrestling for the first time with the reality of suffering, mercy, and salvation. I don’t remember many conversations I had with friends that week as I waited to travel home for the funeral. But I remember that when my friends called a group of people together to pray the rosary, that there was a boy there I didn’t expect to see. He was older, much smarter and the kind of person I had hoped to be friends with but didn’t really know well. The year before his family had experienced an unspeakable tragedy, and I so admired him and how he had handled the situation, and I couldn’t believe he was there, praying for my family. I remember a boy from high school whom I did not know well, but had known since junior high. He sat with me all that first night on my couch and watched Bruce Willis movies while I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I remember the friend who flew into town to sit with me at the wake and funeral and then flew back to school. And when I returned to school and had insomnia, I remember the roommate who sat up with me a few nights a week for weeks and just hung out so that I wouldn’t feel alone. And, like I said, I don’t remember any conversations beyond the usual platitudes. But they were there, and the gift of their time will stay with me forever. During what was the worst time of my life, these people were present in a way I didn’t even know I needed. I almost feel a fondness for that time, all these years later, that so many friends reached out in so many ways. And that boy who came to the rosary? He was a Heights graduate. The old friend who stayed up the first night? A Northridge graduate. The friend who flew in? The Willows graduate. And the roommate who sat with me night after night graduated from Oakcrest. It is not a coincidence that graduates from schools of Opus Dei are good at this; these school administrations never waver in their dedication to making the sacraments available to you. Jesus comes to you in the flesh every day. Right here.

So I am here now reminding you that your presence is a gift. Not because of your musical talents, or your PSAT scores. You are good because you were created in God’s image. And your presence is a gift to others and reassures them that they are good and worthy of your time and attention. So pay attention! You have a struggle my generation never faced: the smart phone. These also have their place, but virtual interaction through a phone should never be your first choice. Technology is designed to distract you from each other. Don’t fall for it! Your attention is priceless, do not squander it all on Instagram and texting. This is true in a particular way as you ease into life as upperclassmen. The younger girls look up to you and I promise that when you take the time to chat with a younger girl, her parents will hear about it at dinner that night. Be constant in your charity and example to these girls who admire you.

 

Be constant in showing up. You will face all sorts of situations that make you wonder if you should reach out or show up. Don’t overthink it. Just go. When your kind-of friend has a birthday and you just want to stay home in your sweat pants, put on real pants and show up for them. Tell them you are happy they were born and then you can go home and get in your pajamas. When that co-worker’s mom dies and you wonder if it will be weird to attend the wake, just go. When your first friend has a miscarriage and you are frozen with indecision, drop off flowers and a meal and a hug. Don’t overthink it. Don’t forget that you are a gift to each other, to your families, and to everyone you meet. You are living in an increasingly virtual world; I challenge you to defy it. Be constant in your presence and in your fidelity to the Incarnation.

 

I would like to end with my favorite quote from Mother Teresa, “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” So go share yourself, and at the same time accept the gift of everyone else. We are called to take care of one another, let’s do it in the flesh.